What is Anger?
Anger is a natural and necessary emotion. Just like sadness or joy, anger is feedback from our body, guiding us to take action when something doesn’t feel right. It’s linked to our fight-or-flight response, helping us protect ourselves when we need to. But, for many of us, we’ve been taught to suppress anger, to push it down. Over time, that can lead to feeling stuck, disconnected, and even overreacting when anger finally shows up.
Emotions: Our Body’s Way of Communicating
Emotions are like signals from our nervous system, helping us respond to what’s happening around us. Anger is no different. Yet, we’ve been told by society that some emotions, like anger, are ‘bad’ or something to avoid. When we do that—when we push our emotions away—our body’s natural feedback system gets disrupted. We end up ignoring what our body is trying to tell us, and that’s when things can get tricky.
Feeling good all the time isn’t realistic or healthy. Emotions like anger are meant to help us set boundaries, say “no,” and stand up for ourselves. When we avoid or suppress these feelings, they don’t just go away—they build up and can show up in unhealthy ways, like snapping at someone or bottling everything up until we explode.
How Society Shapes Our View of Anger
A lot of us grow up believing that showing anger will lead to losing connection or love from others. If we weren’t shown how to handle disagreements or express anger in a healthy way, we might see anger as something negative—something to avoid at all costs.
This can lead to two types of responses: either we hold it all in until we feel powerless, or we lash out in a way that feels overly personal. Neither of these is healthy. Anger isn’t the problem—it’s how we relate to it.
Feeling Anger in the Body
The only way to really deal with anger is to feel it. Instead of pushing it away, we need to recognise how it feels in our body—maybe it’s tension in the chest, heat in the face, or a knot in the stomach. By paying attention to it, we can start to understand what it’s telling us and use it to set boundaries that make sense for us.
When we don’t process anger, it can turn into resentment or anxiety. We might avoid conflict, say “yes” to things we don’t want, or start to resent others for not meeting our needs. But that resentment doesn’t help anyone—it just keeps building up, affecting our mental health and even our physical well-being.
Welcoming Anger for Healthier Relationships
When we welcome anger as part of our emotional toolkit, we can start to create healthier boundaries. Many of us struggle to say what we really want or need, so we avoid it. But when we don’t communicate clearly, we start creating stories in our heads about the people around us—how they don’t care, how they’re selfish or disrespectful. In reality, it’s usually because we haven’t set a clear boundary with them.
People-pleasing often comes from not knowing how to express anger or set boundaries. We say “yes” when we mean “no” and avoid conflict, thinking it’ll keep the peace. But in the end, it just causes more internal frustration. Anger doesn’t disappear; it just keeps bubbling up inside, replaying in our minds over and over again.
The Power of Integrating Anger
When we start to work with anger instead of against it, something amazing happens. We free up all that energy we were using to suppress it, and suddenly, we feel more alive. Anger can actually help us tap into our personal power. It’s not about being reactive or aggressive—it’s about standing in our truth and setting boundaries that align with our values.
Anger becomes a tool for empowerment when we allow it to guide us instead of controlling us. Saying “no” becomes easier, and we feel more confident in our decisions. We’re no longer stuck in resentment or frustration; instead, we’re in control of how we respond.
Changing the Way We See Anger
Growing up, we all learned different ways of dealing with anger. For some, it was seen as aggressive or something to avoid. But anger doesn’t have to be scary or destructive. When we understand it as a natural part of our emotional experience, we can start to work with it, rather than against it.
Whether we’ve been suppressing it for years or always ready to explode, both responses are signs that we haven’t yet found a healthy way to process anger. But when we do, it changes everything—our relationships, our sense of self, and our overall mental well-being.
Stepping into Your Power
Integrating anger means stepping into your power. Saying “no” when you mean “no” and “yes” when you truly mean “yes” helps you take back control of your life. It frees you from resentment and allows you to stand confidently in your own shoes.
When we start to welcome anger as a natural emotion, we stop fighting against ourselves. We learn to set boundaries that respect our needs, and we feel more grounded in our relationships and in life.
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